Gracie is here and I was working on an entry for over an hour last night when I lost everything I had written -- she is 10 days old today and I am finding myself at a loss for words -- most likely because I'm searching for something profound to say and don't want to miss anything -- Carrie has been doing a great job at updating Gracie's caringbridge site - When I find the time where I can think, I will recap our last 10 days -- she is in surgery as I type this and its all out of my hands -- I pray that things work out the way we want them to. I wanted to share a note I wrote to Carrie prior to Gracie's arrival - She is far MORE private and may not like that I passed it along, but I am unbelievably proud of my amazing wife -- she is way stronger than she thinks she is and I want to share how amazing she is with the world. Even as I sit here scared as I've ever been, I can't help but be so thankful for my amazing life, family, and network of support.
You don't need to be a marriage counselor to see how different we are – I'll admit there are times when I wonder how in the world we ended up together, but then, usually very soon after that, something happens that points out to me without a doubt why. Yes, we are different in a lot of ways – as with all couples, some of those things we just need to learn to deal with. But there are also many ways we differ that are a wonderful compliment to each other. I am sorry that I can be a pain to live with – I know I can make things miserable and can be impossible to please. I do not deserve to have you as my wife, but thank God everyday that I do. Speaking of God – while I've work through the arrival of Grace in my head, as we've been presented with her chances of making it, etc, I've naturally gone to God and asked for forgiveness for everything that I've ever done wrong -- It's a sad thing that a person waits until moments like this to realize that they can/should be a better person. I am especially sorry for times that I have made you feel less than the most beautiful, intelligent, strong, important person in this world to me. Having you, Lylli, and Gracie in my life have forced me to reflect on who I am as a man and I promise to try to make all three of you proud of me as time goes by. I can't thank you enough for everything that you do for all of us – you are the glue that keeps our family together and I do not tell you that enough – If I could take all of the bad off of your shoulders to carry myself, I would in a heartbeat. I give you a hard time about never knowing what to ask for on your birthday, etc – I joked to you the other day that I could think of 10 things for $1000 right now that I want – a person could learn a lesson from you – you know what life is about, it's not about a new toy, it's about being happy with what you have and making the best of it – I'll admit that I envy this about you ( this doesn't mean I don't want to remodel our place, some land in Balsam, and a late 60's bronco someday – but would you expect anything less?) Since we were told about Grace's possible challenges, you, without complaints have done everything you could to give her the best chance. You take care of her and all of us without complaining – you are such an amazing woman. It seems like she'll be here any minute now and I just wanted to let you know how proud I am that you are my wife. No matter what happens, you've done everything you could do – I know the added stress of our days to come could put a strain on some marriages – I vow to do my best to deal with this in a positive way and I just know that someday we'll look back on this as a time where we were very scared, but also as a time that helped us to better appreciate our marriage, our children, family, friends and we have little Gracie to thank for that.
I'll love you until I can't love anymore