I am a very lucky man – I’ve got an amazing wife and am the father to three wonderful kids. Lylli was born on Halloween in 2008, Gracie was born November 2010 and although she only lived for 17 months, she will remain as much a part of this family as the rest of us, and Mickey Gray, our first son, was born in June of 2012. I’m not going to say that life has gone exactly as I would have wanted, but it is a good life and I am determined to make the best of it.

This blog is an attempt to document my quest to become a dad that my family can be proud of.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Just One of Those Days

Well I think it’s all catching up with me – After doing the Heartbeat 5000 5k with the girls (ok not officially, but we were there and visited with people), and having lunch at our favorite local Mexican restaurant, I snuck out of the house on Saturday afternoon to watch some buddies play softball at the local summer festival – I got way too caught up in the moment and the fact that I was given the green light from my wife to stay out and have fun - I had way too many beers from the beer tent – I rarely go out anymore, and besides being a little obnoxious, I was home early (got a ride) and it was harmless fun and frankly, I needed to blow off a little steam, but I need to learn to say “when” because I heard the phrase “we talked about that last night” several times on Sunday from my wife -- I don’t like it when I’m “that guy” and am told by others that they heard I had fun on Saturday  –  and when the next day I bring up several things that we covered the night before and have no recollection – that’s not good – I’m not saying I’ve got a problem, but I am saying that I am going to be a little more aware the next time I decide to let loose.  I woke up Sunday feeling terrible and skipped my long run for the week  -- I can’t believe I made the decision to do something that resulted in me missing the most important run of the week for my training -- I was so depressed and ashamed on Monday that I could barely get out of bed.  I went into work a little late and spent the whole day in a funk.  I guess everybody has those times when they are down on things and I thankfully have managed to stay pretty upbeat over the last several difficult months, but I couldn’t help but feel like I’m letting my family down.  Every day, I remind myself of the saying that “you don’t see old fat people” and I am truly trying to make some changes in my life to get myself to a healthy weight, but I think I was way too optimistic about training for this marathon – We’ve got so much going on these days – its difficult enough to try to get back to a “new” normal life after 7 months of hospitals and heart surgeries – but add to that the fact that every day, I’m reminded of how truly out of shape I am – it’s really mentally taking its toll.  I don’t think it helps that I am seriously in need of some time away from work  – Life has been so stressful this past year and I don’t have the option to take any time off to relax – and believe me, I’ve never needed it more in my life.  I went out last night for my scheduled run – although being discouraged by my slow pace and short distance travelled in the 40 minute workout – I did feel a bit better when I was done and am not going to give up on my quest.     

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