Um sir -- I'm sorry, we don't carry your size here - however, the Big and Tall store next door has a great selection of elastic waist pants

You know, I truly can't believe I am in this position today. I have
gotten so fat that the retail stores can't clothe me. For some time,
I've had to rummage around the bottom of the racks at the stores looking
for the hard to find 40 x 30's (of which are even too long, but what's a
guy to do when he's got the leg length of mini me and the torso of Shaq?). I thought to prepare for my new upcoming contract I would
finally go shopping for some clothes -- This has not been fun for me for
some time, but this last time was the worst. In my optimism, I hoped to
not have to wear baggy and jumbo sized clothing for too long, so I
didn't want to spend a lot of money since I'd obvious be buying the
tailored pants in size 34 in a matter of months (that's how my twisted
mind works) -- I cut a coupon out of the paper and thought I would
checkout the new Herbergers in the mall by the house. I meandered
through rows of clothes (which incidentally are way too narrow for my
shoulders not to knock items off the racks constantly). As I wandered,
I grabbed a few pairs of dress pants (sized 40). I also stumbled upon
some collared shirts that I figured I could wear with a pair of loafers
and some nicer jeans for a more casual, yet still accepted look in the
Wells Fargo Environment. I walked past the fitting rooms between the
men's and children's clothing because I felt like some sort of a weirdo
going in there -- had the fear that I'd hear "Honey come here, we'll
just try those Osh Kosh B'gosh on at home" out of the mouth of a
concerned mother that watched the fat sweaty guy with the Chuck taylors
on slipping into fitting room #2 -- After finding a fitting room in a
more comfortable location I slipped out of my jeans to try on my new
found treasures and found that I could not come close to buttoning them
and to make matters worse -- the buttons on the XXL collared shirts
formed that stretched out look between the buttons that happens when a
well endowed woman wears a button up shirt -- needless to say, it was
far less sexy on me. I was mortified, but bought the shirts anyway...