I am a very lucky man – I’ve got an amazing wife and am the father to three wonderful kids. Lylli was born on Halloween in 2008, Gracie was born November 2010 and although she only lived for 17 months, she will remain as much a part of this family as the rest of us, and Mickey Gray, our first son, was born in June of 2012. I’m not going to say that life has gone exactly as I would have wanted, but it is a good life and I am determined to make the best of it.

This blog is an attempt to document my quest to become a dad that my family can be proud of.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pre-op testing day .... So far

*** Picture above is the house that we are staying in.

Well last night went pretty well – the room has a full sized bed which when I saw it, I got that same feeling that I get when a hostess at a restaurant is seating us and brings us to a booth that I know is going to be a challenge for me to fit in -- the thought of sleeping in that for a guy my size with a pregnant wife felt like we'd be facing an inevitable night long game of Tetrus.  That said, by the time it was bedtime, Gracie was so comfy, that we didn't bother putting up the Pack-N-Play they put in the room for us. The girls got the bed and I slept in the fold out chair – It actually wasn't too bad and I knew that it was totally my turn since from Wednesday on Carrie will be sleeping in either the little window cubby in the ICU or the infamous bed of nails (AKA fold out chair) in the step down unit.  She fussed a lot throughout the night, but in true Gracie fashion was in a great mood this morning.  The girls got ready and headed to the hospital very early which is a very nice ¾ mile walk away.  Their day will no doubt be spent in several waiting rooms as they go the through checklist of x-rays, tests, blood tests, etc to prepare for the big day tomorrow.  My job today is to stay in the room and try to get some work done.  I have to admit, sometimes the dad part in this heart baby thing can be difficult – as boring as it can be in the hospital, it's hard to be away from her.  I hate to say it's gotten easier -  I think repetition numbs you a bit in everything you do, but I remember after her first surgery a year ago, that feeling of having to leave the hospital and drive towards work – It sort of felt like when you were a kid and fell down or something and cried so hard that the world was spinning, etc.  The first time you do it, it's so hard to accept that the world hasn't stopped for everyone else like it has for you – everybody else is living their lives despite your's being turned upside down.  As the dad, I've had to put what we've had going on with Gracie to the side for several hours at a time to concentrate on work or to attempt to make life as normal as usual for Lylli.  It's been challenging at times, but we've managed to get this far and keep my job and Lylli is doing great  – I am glad that I am in a profession that I can work remotely sometimes.  This gives me the freedom to be here and still be able to work a few days instead of taking all of this time away unpaid.  I still have to be away from Lylli for awhile, but am very excited to see her on Saturday.  
OK, so I better get back to work…   

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how you do it! When my youngest was born, he spent 3 weeks in the NICU. I had the "luxury" of living at the hospital with him. Although it was very lonely for me, it was nothing compared to what my husband had to do. He had to travel between the hospital, his job and our home (with 3 dogs). Daddies sometimes have the hardest job ... and I hope you know that we moms know it and are amazed at how well you all do it.